I remember reading a few years ago a former professional footballer (whilst still playing) had gone through 4 miscarriages with his wife. I cannot even begin to imagine how that feels, to have the feelings of excitement and jubilation cut short and replaced by ones of extreme sadness and sorrow. For some couples they may successfully conceive and have children subsequent to a miscarriage, but for others this may not be the case.
In the article I read it talked about a lack of support for grieving couples and in particular, the lack of support for men. Couples reported they were effectively sent home from the hospital, some with pills to induce the miscarriage and then left alone, certainly emotionally anyway. The challenge we have is that within the NHS there still exists long waiting lists and the affected individuals need immediate support in the aftermath of tragedy. The alternative to this of course is for individuals to enlist the support of a private therapist, however there are cost implications in this and for some this is a not a financially viable option.
This leaves many people in limbo with an apparent lack of support at a time when they are extremely vulnerable. I am in the fortunate position where I have never experienced this, but I have received messages from some who have and the traumatic and painful undertone in their words is evident for me to see, but impossible for me to understand. My advice to people affected by this is to keep talking to each other, don’t feel it’s something that cannot be spoken about. Whilst inevitably people will find their own way through, keep in mind there will always be at least 2 people involved who are feeling the despair and whilst it’s commendable to stray strong for the other, that strength will only be transient if you are internally falling apart. If you have been affected by a miscarriage, there is support available online and through your GP as well as through private therapists. Please don’t suffer in silence.